Editorial: The least romantic "romantic" gestures
Maybe I'm just a cynical singleton, but there are behaviours in films between couples that sometimes make me glad not to be in a relationship.
That's why I have decided to share with you some of the worrying gestures a person might make to their desired one in a film, with the claim that such actions are romantic. I'll also list three films that contain each trope, although in most cases, I could have listed more (notably with number 11).
1. Giving up everything you enjoy to be with one person
Perhaps it sounds like a lovely, bold gesture, but in real life it would only lead to resentment. If you are having to repress your personality or neglect the things that make you happy, just to be with someone, you probably shouldn't be with them.
Films guilty of this:
Kate and Leopold (2001)
French Kiss (1995)
2. Staring
In a film, a person (usually the male) spots another person who they are deeply attracted to. They then stare at this person for quite some time. They don't approach them or try to start conversation when the object of their gaze looks back at them. That would be too hard. This is not the same as checking someone out. When you are checking someone out, you glance over and if you get caught, you would normally either smile guiltily and get up to apologise to the person for being a weirdo, (thus starting a dialogue between you) OR you might look away shyly, and try to build up some courage/decide whether or not you really want to approach this person after all. Films usually opt instead for deep, intense staring between romantic leads, which is awkward for the viewer and would be uncomfortable if you were on the receiving end of it in real life.
Films guilty of this:
Twilight (2008)
3. Waiting at a location where you know the person of your desire will be, (such as their home) without them know beforehand.
This is also known as stalking. So Hollywood, maybe stop encouraging this one?
Films guilty of this:
All About Steve (2009)
Twilight (2008)
27 Dresses (2008)
4. Threatening to end your life if the person you claim to love does not want to be with you, claiming to be "nothing" without that person or actually killing yourself because of heartbreak
This is by far the most serious one on the list. Your life is your own, and you are no one else's responsibility. No one else is your responsibility either, so if anyone tries to make you feel like they are, then you need to walk away from the situation. It's hard, but it's the safest option for everyone. Death, or the threat of it, isn't romantic.
Films guilty of this:
The Notebook (2004)
Heathers* (1988)
Penelope (2007)
*Heathers does at least justify that J.D. is wrong, but this film is still worth an honourable mention here.
5. Yelling at each other. A lot.
This is not expressing your opinion like a respectful adult. Yelling is highly unlikely to resolve the issue on your mind. It's also emotionally damaging for both the yeller and the person being yelled at.
Films guilty of this:
The Notebook (2004)
Love, Rosie (2014)
6. A one night stand could work out to be true love!
This also applies to friends with benefits. Sure, you meet someone and there might be a strong physical connection. The likelihood of both strangers wanting to wake up together and have a conversation that could lead to something more, sadly just isn't very common or realistic.
Films guilty of this:
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days (2003)
27 Dresses (2008)
The Holiday (2006)
7. Money can't buy happiness... but it can buy happily ever after?
Girls like to shop, as the stereotype goes. While this is true for many of us, it doesn't mean that we want to, or should be, "bought" in any way. In rom-coms, one person will often shower their partner with gifts, and even directly hand them money in some cases. Worse than this, is the trope of paying for someone to pretend to be your date, only to fall in love with them. That just feels very sad. I think most people would just be happy for their romantic partner to want to give them their time, affection and sincerity.
Films guilty of this:
Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) (although the whole trilogy applies here)
Pretty Woman (1990)
The Wedding Date (2004)
8. A player can be reformed by YOU, aka his true love
To quote Taylor Swift: "Players gonna play (play, play, play, play)." A man can choose to change himself, but you can't do it for him. If he wants you, he will work hard to prove it as long as you are wiling to do the same. If not, then it's okay. You just weren't right for each other. However, there are many films that highlight that a man changed when he met "the one", and not so much that he chose to change.
This has lead to somewhat toxic viewer interpretation, as many a female viewer (my younger self included) have believed that we could be the ones to make firmly unattached men fall in love and settle down with us. In reality, if you want to change him, he's not your person.
Films guilty of this:
The Duff (2015)
Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past (2009)
Love and Other Drugs (2010)
9. Change your appearance to win his heart
People change, but only by their own accord. Don't demand or expect it from them in any form, because it is highly unlikely that they would change something about themselves at your request and be happy with it in the long term. The idea that a woman's looks are her only worth, and that her clothing or the amount of makeup she wears suddenly makes her desirable is incredibly damaging and depressing.
Films guilty of this:
Grease (1978)
She's All That (1999)
Miss Congeniality (2000)
10. "Not like other girls"
For a start, most "girls" in these romance films are fully grown women. No girl is "like other girls", just as no "boy" is like other "boys". Maybe we mimic other peoples behaviours, or have similar tastes and interests, but ultimately each human being is an individual. When you're with someone you truly connect with, in a way you haven't experienced with anyone else before, of course that person feels unlike anyone you have ever met before. This does not make them superior to anyone though.
Don't put down the rest of that person's gender for not being them, or worse: don't put down the gender you identify with for not being like you.
Films guilty of this:
She's the Man (2004)
She's All That (1999)
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
11. Cheating is okay if you end up with your true love in the end
My personal least favourite. Cheating is never okay. It is a terrible thing to do to someone, and an awful thing to experience as the innocent party in that situation. Sadly, this one is so common that it's actually on the Chick Flick Chick List of Cliches. I really want this one to go away, as it seems to normalise (or worse, rationalise) cheating.
This one particularly bothers me because it appears in so many films aimed at girls in their early teens. How is such a young audience supposed to respond to these films, when they see that it's horrid to be cheated on, yet perfectly fine to be the cheater if the person you're cheating with is your True Love?
Films guilty of this:
The Wedding Planner (2001)
